asmaradhana

love is a choice
–not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice,
but rather a willingness to be present to others
without pretence or guile
(carter heyward)

today, four years ago, we walked down the altar of the pontianak cathedral. we vowed that we would love each other, that we would care each other. we committed ourselves that we would take each other for our lawful spouse, “… to have and to hold, from that day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part” – as we promised in the holy matrimony sacrament. it is that commitment that since then we have been trying to live to the full. to try our best to be true to each other in good times and in bad –that we would love and honour each other all the days of our life.

four years in a marriage is still a tiny step into the true understanding of familihood. but we have learned a lot from each other. we often fall. each of us does. but the very same commitment has helped us to always grasp the strength to stand. again. and again. we do have doubts, we do have fears when we step the path of this marriage life. and problems do happen, bad things do take place. but we have hope and faith and trust that always become source of energy and inspiration when we move on and on. so we embrace life, and we realise that we are just pilgrims.

a javanese solemn recitation (tembang) asmaradhana below, that we put on the back cover of our wedding invitation four years ago, reminds what a marriage is all about

gegaraning wong akrami
dudu brana dudu warna
amung ati pawitane
luput pisan kena pisan
yen gampang luwih gampang
yen angel, angel kelangkung
tan kena tinumbas arta

guidance for a marriage life
is neither means nor appearance
only a firm and persistent heart that matters
you are destined each other once in your lifetime
when it is meant to be easy, it will be
when it is not meant to be so, it will be hard
and even means won’t be able to replace it

four years have passed – many years are yet to come. we believe that the life we are going to live will be colorful, challenging. most probably risky, but also rewarding. may god always strengthen our commitment to love each other for it is only love and our commitment to it that fuels our travel in this journey called “marriage life”.

and to you, our dearest friends, we send you our thanks and gratitude. the pilgrim that we have walked these years would not have been that bearable, encouraging, and heartening, had you not extended your love, attention, and care to us.

manchester – pontianak, 14 feb 2008
on our 4th wedding anniversary

yanuar-ira
(and now plus aruna and nara)

in the end,
nothing we do or say in this lifetime
will matter as much as the way
we have loved one another
(daphne rose kingma)

ps. when we had our wedding in 2004, we did not intentionally pick up 14 feb, which was (and is) celebrated as valentine day. it was because of more pragmatic reason: it was saturday , when we could expect more colleagues to be able to attend since we had our wedding ceremony in pontianak, away from where many of our friends lived.

pps. in the picture, is our spiritual ‘counsellor’, and a very good friend, revd. fr. sumo hadiwinata, sj. who gathered us in the holy matrimony sacrament.